On Course

I was on course yesterday at Pasir Ris Pr with other heads. Was so surprised to see some familiar faces. I met Rita. We were once teaching together at Jin Shan Pr as BT. That was really way way.... way back. Donkey years ago before I actually moved to the east. I met Rita again I remembered when we were doing our SIM course. But the surprise was meeting Sharifah Thalha from EVSS. We hv both moved on to other school. But she has definitely changed physically, since being a mother of 2. She looked so different that I couldn't recognised her. But so glad that she recognised me and called me. I also met Faridah from EVSS and surprisingly she acknowlwedge me and even remember my name. But I must say she looked good.

On the professional side, the people I met made more impact on me that the topic of the course. I just couldn't focus on the presentation. Maybe the venue, as we were placed at the end of the hall. They grouped us according to alphabet.. Zhenghua .. naturally last just like Zarina.

At the end of the course we planned to go to Opera Estate Pr to visit a favourite VP but too bad he was out of school. Another time then.

I want a new life.

Things have been tough.. real tough.

But no matter how tough things have been, the physical aspect I can endure. I am used to slogging my time , my energy for work or anything.
But I am a loser. I succumb to things that affects my emotions.

Here I am in my own space and time, I reflect on things that had been happening, I can feel the emptiness and the hollowness of my heart. This is when I get teary eyed.

I pray that I do not become like u..

I pray that I do better in my role as compared to u.

I pray that those dear to me do not have to go through what I am going thro now...

Dear God,

help me go through this and play my role with sincerity so that i will not feel shortchanged for all the things that I have done.

show me that there is a silver lining in every cloud that hovers around my shoulder.

let me be strong emotionally so as I do not drown myself in my tears.

End of semester

Briefly:

It's coming to the end of semester.. so fast yet so much still to do especially with my sec 4. I feel so disappointed with myself that I have to blast at them like that. i like some of them. In fact I love them except for the few who have no place for FN.. everyday they make me pissed when they choose to be defiant. Everytime I see them at the library, they are scanning thro a story book or the National Geographic. So much free time right yet no priorities for other subjects that are not done.

Kalau anak aku....,

Give work choose not to do and then want me to stay overnite with them.. which I doubt they wil do my work.

I sometimes wonder why I even bother .. but yet every year like that .. say only but still will bother about them. I care too much for them as I feel like I owe it to them to make sure that they do well and I have tried as best as I could.

Other aspects of work still a lot to do with big events coming in Sem 3... wth.. it is so necessary...

Somehow I'm just glad that I have very few working with me to perk my day..

Home:

I had my kenduri at Tiara Pelangi and it was good to see people making effort to make their presence at my hse. Really appreciate them. Simply session. Hubby booked a bus to ferry the ple across the causeway which I felt was so costly. But after listening to his reasonings, it was reasonable. So much preparations done. I bought for the women a brooch as a token and the men got a sarong. We oorder food from the nearby stall called Sedap Selalu meaning always nice.. and the food live up to expectation.

After that my sis brought my mum back to kL .. thankful that I got some relief for my deafening ears of nagging.

Last week I fetch my mum from KL after 3 weeks without her at home. Somehow going back to the original 5 of us at home is just ... nice. Tho I have to rush back to prepare a decent dinner at home it is still nice. It was ashort trip to KL and the objective was mainly to collect the good and go.. so bad right. But we also managed to enjoy a Subway sandwich at Pavilon. Subway is not halal here. Wanted to grab a Carls Jr but didnt managed to. I so want to go back to KL just to eat , eat and eat... even a weekend drive will do.I thought that I wont have my passport with me this week so I had to fetch her last week. But alas, I cld have gone this week and enjoy another nice 7 days. But I also appreciate that I had a busy week and that I dont have to rush home to cook.

The week after the kenduri weekend, we had a Malaca trip weekend with in-laws which ened up a failure. It was a weekend holiday and apparently for Malaysians it a first weekend of the month and it a national holiday. So we ended up in a jammed which only take us to outskirts of M'ca. Didn't get to the town as we were de-toured. What a disappointment. Never expect a sort trip to M'ca wld take so long. All we wanted to do was to go the the main shopping center and maybe enjoy some food like Subway.. A&W.. Everybody so tired and disappointed..

But it was my first long drive on my Cerato.. wah best. The funny thing is when I overtake my husband's Cruze, he mentioned it to the girls." oh forgot to tell your mother not to drive like hell driver' And when I overtake the Cruze my son who was with me said" surely baba will say, why she driving like hell driver." See how they think alike abt my driving skills.. So hilariously funny.

Holidays.. I'll be away for remedial...

2010/3

This year I broke my own record of 0 days of medical certificate (MC). For the past 3 years I have been blessed with good health or can I put it in such a way that tho I have been sick these past few years, I am still motivated to come back to school. To clear as much work as possible.

2010 is the first of many years that I decide it is time to really take care of myself. My health comes first or it just that there are people who just drives me to take MC.

Finally I see the doctor and was advise to take 2 days of MC.

I think my teachers are also shocked. Those who know me well enough, knows that I am a no MC teacher. Students who were taught by me know that I am a 0 MC teacher. There were many instances over the years that students do ask me : Cher, you dont take MC is it?

Well this is the first. Even one teacher sms-ed me and was shocked to find out that I was on MC. The reply I got was; wow.. the iron lady.. on MC.

Yes the time has come. Somehow my gut feeling is that more will be coming.

When you are sick you are sick. When you have to take MC you just have to take MC. Dont die young. Take care of yourself. This was what someone said to me and I finally decide to listen to good advise.

Yay.. to good rest.

2010/2

I decided to post in this blog this year cos I think it would help me release a little bit of tension. I needed to write jus to let off steam. And I naturally thought that the present batch of students would not be aware of the existence of this blog. After all, this blog was created by students who have left the school many years already.

But today I find out the contrary. My blog have been invaded by my 4E5s. Its been such a long time since students actually read my blog. Today they actually found my blog and it was made public during lesson at IT rm 1.

I think I hv to be careful of what I write now.

To all my 4E5 FN students, do keep what you read to yourself.

But let me introduce my 4E5 :

There is Zhuanghao.. has a lot of energy but most of it dedicated to tae-kwan-do

There is Zhengyan... very active but only verbally

I have 2 darrens.. Darren Lee and Darren Koh both absent yesterday and today they seemed like best buddies

Wei Juan... lots of carbon-containing parts of the excess amino acids ...lots of them

There is Tze Rong.. he thinks that I am deaf thats why he is always talking so loudly

Then there is Elson.. who always have problem logging in to the com. but he always don't know how come.

Then there is Wei Hao.. who made public this blog.

Today Syakeer is absent and the class will give crappy reasons when u ask them

I have FFF.. Fatin Farhana but i cannot remember the last ..

Then there is Farah and Syafiqah.. all these are my HMT pupils who always have to leave earlier

cos they have to go to BPGH for classes. Apparently since last year the HMT class always

during FN days or remedials.

Then there is Xenia and Dina who are netballers and are busy with tournaments.

Then there is Mian ru and Zanna who are guides and cannot come for remedials on fri.. yes wei juan also say he is in guides...

Then there is Huili i remember that she is from band.

There is also Xiuming who is away from school due to back surgery.

I hope I got everybody.

These are my graduating students who will give me A1 for FN

yes yes yes yeah yeah yeah...

Are u all reading this?

yes yes yes...

2010/1

This would be my first posting for 2010.

4 weeks of school and what can I say... it has been tough.

What do you expect. I have been away sinc eJuly for MLS. I came back for 2 weeks then I was away for Hajj for 4 weeks.

I had problems getting back to work momentum.

And what made it worst was the posting of new people to the school who decide to create an impact on the school, who wants to make their presence felt.

So ...

for the past 3 weeks I have been sitting in meetings that last for 2 hours minimum....

I have been attending SMC meetings that last till 645pm

I have been made to do presentations not because I want to but because they want to...

This is the 4th week of school..

I have 1 hour of meeting with a particular subject teachers, then 2 hours of meeting wrt department continue with 1 hour today.

Another 1 hour meeting with another subject and school training that will last till 6pm.

I have lost my sense of purpose in coming to school...

But what made my day today was an email to say that this week SMC meeting has been cancelled....

YES YES YES YES YES YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE YEA YEA YEA YEA

I am so relieved.

If you are in my shoes, how would you feel?

I met up with my Hajj frens last Saturday.

I miss my hajj days... really. No worries abt anything.

Its just business between you and the Almighty.

Now i am in a MAD MAD world.

2010

Happy New Year....Happy a little bit late New Year..... Not so Happy very late New Year...... Very Not Happy very very late not so New Year................


Yeah


Yeah

Little things

Its been such a long time that I last updated. I think it was when I started my MLS. Now I've come to the end of the journey. Its really coming to an end in 3 days time. I'm filled with a tsunami of emotions as the curtain is drawing close. There is so much that I learn in this short journey.

Where do I start ?

Let me start with today.. we had our CP presentations.. I cannot describe what I felt after the whole event ended. Disappointed? maybe. Relieved? yes. Upset? Not really.

All I wanted to say is that all the hype that was created by the tutor that caused uproar in the other group members has come to this..

What you think is not what you get.. at the end of the day you see for yourself what was teh outcome.

But whatever lah... I just dont want to think about it anymore.

But I love my Team 4; they gave me the strength, the conviction that I am more capable that what I think of myself. I was greatly motivated by our CP project. I still feel that what we had come up with has so much ground and scope. It really shows the potential in our project.

After today, I guess each of us had to spent time on our own to absorb what had just happened. Wherever we are be it at Toastbox or Coffeebean, we needed time to just realise that in one way or another, this has been a great learning journey for us, to each his own.

For me, I just had to look for frens who I'm comfortable with and spent time with them. Just need to be with people whom I can reallay pour out my soul to. Not so much on what had happened earlier, but more on what had been happening in my life.

I just turned 45. But of course at this age, you begin to realise the little things in life that mean so much to you. After going through so much in the past year, I dont ask for much. Life experience has definitely made me a wiser person. But maybe not wise enough. If I had been wiser, then I'd probably be in a better situation.

As I remember in my reflection:

I wil not wish for the grass that is on the other side of the fence which seem greener but seldom is.

Importantly; God is in everything that is good particularly to me in the small things in life.

The small things like the frens I have who were willing to hear my sad story. My family members who feels what I go thro and went thro it with me.

What more can I ask for.

No: 29

My MLS has started and I'm pretty excited abt it. But before leaving for MLS I had to make sure that some tho' not all work are at least covered. Its just so impossible to complete everything... and when just before you leave you are given another task. Simply impossible and lost for word. Cant you just get another person to do it? Whatever lah ..

But of course before I left had to make sure that Monday's TTT was arranged and then after that had to make phone call to find out how it went..

Then I have to make sure that I come back to vet exam papers.. but I clearly remember reading the handbook that during MLS our time is only for NIE .. not any other things. Just so NOT possible.

First day of MLS was really good. Meet new people.. get into my grouping.. I like my group. Just the four of us. Quite comfortable. But I find it rather strange that I was place in the ICT group but can oso lah.

But not surprise that there are a few things still not in order..

But it worked well for all of us cos we get to leave earlier than scheduled.

Then there is e-learning and reading sessions...

Great..

But I do miss some parts of school ..only some.

No:28

I hate it when people use this expression on me..or my children..



"Eh anak cikgu mesti pandai "



Or



" Anak cikgu mesti bagus "



Literally translated..



Parent teacher surely clever or parent teacher surely good.



So what if I am a teacher..

I am human too..

So what if my children have parent who is a teacher..

They also have friends whose parents are NOT teachers..

We all go through the same shit in life... breathe the same air.. so what makes them or me any different from others..

We are all humans..

and nobody's perfect..

No:28

First week of school gone. Been doing relief for the whole of last week and re-looking at the timetable again and again esp for the NIE trainees reporting in the school. Poor them. There is just no space in the staff room that we had to housed them in the Meeting Room. Being the first week of school and with the present health situation meeting are non-stop in the afternoon. So these poor trainees had to immediately vacate the room to make way for these meetings. If only I had my way..if only I was still doing the SCM.. but alas had to just close an eye or two to these things which I would not want to put my fingers in.
With timetabling and relief and meetings I could not fulfill my 5 hrs a day schedule that was tasked on me. How to? Im still doing the work that I was tasked with and trying hard to get it done.
With the days counting to my MLS I have really mixed feeling abt going. I can forsee that I would still be on standby for any emergency calls..with many matters pertaining to dept, committee and many others.
Even with the Youth Day holiday, I was still on call.
Today I was tasked to collect exam papers from exam branch again..
and for the first time I collect papers that has nothing to do with my dept or committee or yg sewaktu dgn nye.
There was somewhat a long story to why I was asked to collect the papers today..
This year after March I seem to be visiting exam branch quite often..
I wonder why...
is it bcos someone left and is not there to do the collection anymore..hhmm
Today I did Part B..somehow it feels good. It keeps me in touch with the coursework. When I told Catherine this she really laugh at me. I must really be a coursework fanatic.
So sad rt my life looking at the things the give me cheap thrill.

Many things happened over the weekend which makes me wonder..

I wonder how much we remember the things we say to others...

I wonder how much we remember the things we do to others...

Will all things done and said be erased with a handshake?

How much we would do things for people we love..

Like machine that run on a remote, somebody click the talk button and we ...talk

somebody click the wave button and up goes the hands..fingers move..wave

So dumb.

No:27

I will forgive BUT do not think that I will forget.

And because I am who I am, it is hard for me to go back to how things were before.

I can forgive all the things that u do to me! But dont ask me things like ;

why am I not like what I used to be 2 years ago. Even when things have been thrashed out, all matters cleared why am I still so distance?

Let me tell u that you are the last person that I expect to treat me the way you did.

But I forgive you cos you become super sensitive when you grow older.

But I cannot forget how I was treated like dirt in your own home.

You tell me abt how you feel when you were at my house.

Did you even hear the words that you are saying.

Thats what you did to me. yet when it happen to you you do not even realise.

However I do beg to differ cos I am not like you. I am NOTHING like you.

I do not treat you like the way you treat me. I know my role as a host.

I will never do the things that you accuse me of.

But what is the point of arguing with old sensitive people.

So what do you want with me now?

You want me to show kemesraan again to you.

You want me to be the old Zarina.

And you think it just simply by telling me that you want things to be what they were it can happen.

I am just so disgusted at things....

I gave up on this relationship many years ago...

Its been too long...

I cant just simply act out just for YOU..

Or will be a situation where i have to fake it..

Do you realise how much I had to take week after week ...

Like I say I gave up..

I dont want to care..

If only I am allowed to ;

NOT care

My Life is so sad...

No:26

Last Thursday :

Passing Out Parade 32nd ERSC

No:25

School will start in a few days but Ive been back practically everyday this last week and almost everyday the last 2 weeks.

I only make sure that my weekend are spent with family across the causeway.

Because there would definitely be at least 1 silly person in the family, gathering of this kind is so sooo funny. Just makes your day. In this family siliness come in a pack.

Socializing simple means makan. Most time spent at the oudoor area. And its a durian weekend. Too bad to those who cant take the smell.

Just relaxing together till late nite at the outdoor area.

Or simply lepak-ing at the staircase as other do mass car wash.

To Sham and other frens : so looking forward to bring you all and can lepak-lepak there.

I also managed to squeeze some time to meet up with frens who have good news to share.

Congrats May Tan..

Also visit my sis and spent time with my her grand daughter.

All this done in the midst of planning for school to reopen and to prepare for H1N1 and staff planning.

No: 24

Im in school right now and feeling breathless. I cant breathe. Really. Trying hard to absorb what had just been relayed to me.

It was supposed to be a discussion but yet why did it end up like NOT.

I thought we were supposed to go through the whole thing and see what needs to be done.

But yet why did it end up with ..

OK... you do this... you do this... you make sure you have all this... you prepare the documents....

Ok you have 2 weeks left.. give yourself 5 hours a day to do this..... and

FINALLY you give it to me by .....

Uuuuuuuuurrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

And in which part of this did I say....

I HAVE NO LIFE....

I CAN GIVE 5 HOURS AND MORE TO DO THIS......

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DISCUSS.............

WHERE DID MY LIFE JUST GO............

No: 23

Officially I now have 2 houses which are in living condition.

My JB hse is ready and we have shifted a lot of things from my present hse over.

Things like : dining table, TV, refrigerators, washing machine, sofa set and lots of unused plates which had been kept stored in some remote places in the house.

Im loooving both my houses cos :

1. my Jurong hse is now more spacious and certain facillities can now be used again. Used to keep the unsed washing machine in the toilet at level 1 now the toilet is serviceable again. Like finally. Used to house the old sofa at the balcony now the balcony is free again.

Why do I seem to hv 2 sets of everything? Cos I seem to be the heir of old 'household things' left by old people. After so long, finally I managed to find somewhere to house them.

Basically, there's more room for everything.

2. my JB hse cos its just a getaway for all other things that I just dont need. Give me space to do things I like.

At the moment it will only be a weekend thingy. Hopefully when situation permits it will drag beyond the weekend.

Been there past few days/ weeks to do cleaning up. Really mopping the whole hse is really a killer.

But Im happy that its finally complete. Though not fully furnish, Im just contented with it.

But I made it to Mazri and Nafisah's wedding direct flight from JB via Air Grandis.. whoo I like.

Pictures taken by Sham...will try to get it from him.

Wedding mcm like gathering of ZSS students..

No: 22

Who would have thought that when we made the decision yesterday, this would be the news today. This is really a good decision made at the right time.


Singapore's first H1N1 patient is an SMU student

Posted: 27 May 2009 1434 hrs


Singapore confirms first case of H1N1


Flu Outbreak

SINGAPORE: Singapore's first H1N1 case is a 22-year-old student from the Singapore Management University (SMU). She is a third-year Business Management student at SMU. She was on its New York Business Study Mission with 19 other students and a faculty member from 15-24 May.

SMU said she returned to Singapore on 26 May early morning with the faculty member and another student. She went to see a doctor as she felt unwell during the flight. She informed the university on 27 May when she found out she was tested positive. The patient is now recovering in hospital and has not been back on campus since returning from New York.

SMU is in close touch with her. The faculty member and the student who returned with the patient are both fine and they are currently on home quarantine for the next six days. They will continue to monitor their health and take temperature checks twice daily.

SMU has contacted the remaining 18 students who are still in New York. The students have extended their stay in North America and they have been alerted to go for tests and remain vigilant.

- CNA

No: 21

Today the final decision was made on the inter-discipinary trip to aust. There was so much ding-donging on the trip just within a week. Finally it has come to this. It will definitely NOT happen. Parents were called and after abt half an hour speech by P all was convinced that the most responsible thing to do would be to NOT go for the trip. I'm very sure that the parents were convinved but how much the students were convinced that remained a question mark.

There could a blessing in everything that happen. I also wouldnt want to go on a trip but yet go through so much high risk itinerary.

But whatever the decision my only wish is that:

DO NOT try to compensate the 7 days trip with a 1 day outing.

Where?

In Spore lah.. so safe.

Please I do to want to spend a day out with the students to

a. ZOO
b. SPORE FLYER or
c. PULAU UBIN

I dont want to spend a day BBQing in school and spent part of the time watching other people spent 7 days in Aust in their self made you tube videos.

NO NO NO!!!!

Understand please that watching your video does not make the students feel any better.

BUT I still look forward to the end of May... yay

No: 20

And so we are about to come to the end of the exams. Exams may be a slower paced time for some teachers but personally I dont feel the slow pace. In fact it was more of a 'running' time for me. But with the help of kind collegues, managed to ensure that all are in order.

Early morning rush to ensure that room is opened for distribution of papers. Then ensuring that all papers are collected by invigilators on time. Then there are a few special students who needs more attention and they are located at the exam center. Thus having to ensure that their exam materials are reserved. Then with the temperature taking procedures going on, have to ensure that it is all done in order and that students deemed as 'not well' and sent home are tracked. Re-exam materials are in order. Definitely not a slow paced.

Then there is of course the constant calls from invigilators either;

1. looking for setters as they are queries or

2 asking for escorts for students to go to the toilet.

What is really annoying is when it is just 5 minutes into the exam. we are already receiving calls to go to the toilet. Really got bladder problem seh.
Then there are just those calls from the same class repeatedly as they take turns to want to go toilet. What is with these students man. Its exam time for goodness sake.

But when I was away on course for 2 days it was a little less hectic but of course mental stress. Though i sent out an email to inform all not to call me as I wld be away, there are still those few calls that I got while I was at Bukit Merah ( course venue) to ask me get toilet escort in Bukit Panjang. Can sure. I may at same Bukits though one is 'merah' and one is 'panjang' but of course I can get toilet escort for you. But maybe need to wait a little longer.

My paper is always last paper. Every year without fail. But its ok. Always will give in to others who seems to have problem marking. So while waiting for the exam paper, I mark the coursework.

What can I say.. the students are giving me BIG headache with the coursework.

And I am happy to see familiar good faces back in Zhenghua. Catherine is back. And to hear the things she have to say abt her NIE days, the people there and the subject that she is doing there, abt her practicum and the school is really an eye opener.

When I hear what she has to say, it makes me realise that only some people can passed off saying such things. Though some things may be true, if it were to come out form my mouth. of course there will be a lot of implications. Big ones.

But Im glad she see things as I see it.

So she will be here to take over ME. Yes.

Thus why I say in my facebook ;

I so look forward to the end of May.

No:19

Us three girls went to the hair salon recommended by Feeza who got her hair treatment done. Nadia got heavier bangs and I totally lose abt 3/4 of the total amount of hair that I got. Immediately after that the girls said that I look like:

DORA the explora.

But definitely feels so much lighter.

I went to JB to take a look at my house. Its really coming up. Soon real soon I think I can have my weekend house oredi.

Loads of emails, sms and phone calls wrt the swine flu and wt school has to do.

And with exams coming it is such a busy period.

And I dont like last minute things... like checking papers at the last minute. Having to re-print at the last minute and left alone to get things done at the last minute..