Little things

Its been such a long time that I last updated. I think it was when I started my MLS. Now I've come to the end of the journey. Its really coming to an end in 3 days time. I'm filled with a tsunami of emotions as the curtain is drawing close. There is so much that I learn in this short journey.

Where do I start ?

Let me start with today.. we had our CP presentations.. I cannot describe what I felt after the whole event ended. Disappointed? maybe. Relieved? yes. Upset? Not really.

All I wanted to say is that all the hype that was created by the tutor that caused uproar in the other group members has come to this..

What you think is not what you get.. at the end of the day you see for yourself what was teh outcome.

But whatever lah... I just dont want to think about it anymore.

But I love my Team 4; they gave me the strength, the conviction that I am more capable that what I think of myself. I was greatly motivated by our CP project. I still feel that what we had come up with has so much ground and scope. It really shows the potential in our project.

After today, I guess each of us had to spent time on our own to absorb what had just happened. Wherever we are be it at Toastbox or Coffeebean, we needed time to just realise that in one way or another, this has been a great learning journey for us, to each his own.

For me, I just had to look for frens who I'm comfortable with and spent time with them. Just need to be with people whom I can reallay pour out my soul to. Not so much on what had happened earlier, but more on what had been happening in my life.

I just turned 45. But of course at this age, you begin to realise the little things in life that mean so much to you. After going through so much in the past year, I dont ask for much. Life experience has definitely made me a wiser person. But maybe not wise enough. If I had been wiser, then I'd probably be in a better situation.

As I remember in my reflection:

I wil not wish for the grass that is on the other side of the fence which seem greener but seldom is.

Importantly; God is in everything that is good particularly to me in the small things in life.

The small things like the frens I have who were willing to hear my sad story. My family members who feels what I go thro and went thro it with me.

What more can I ask for.

No: 29

My MLS has started and I'm pretty excited abt it. But before leaving for MLS I had to make sure that some tho' not all work are at least covered. Its just so impossible to complete everything... and when just before you leave you are given another task. Simply impossible and lost for word. Cant you just get another person to do it? Whatever lah ..

But of course before I left had to make sure that Monday's TTT was arranged and then after that had to make phone call to find out how it went..

Then I have to make sure that I come back to vet exam papers.. but I clearly remember reading the handbook that during MLS our time is only for NIE .. not any other things. Just so NOT possible.

First day of MLS was really good. Meet new people.. get into my grouping.. I like my group. Just the four of us. Quite comfortable. But I find it rather strange that I was place in the ICT group but can oso lah.

But not surprise that there are a few things still not in order..

But it worked well for all of us cos we get to leave earlier than scheduled.

Then there is e-learning and reading sessions...

Great..

But I do miss some parts of school ..only some.

No:28

I hate it when people use this expression on me..or my children..



"Eh anak cikgu mesti pandai "



Or



" Anak cikgu mesti bagus "



Literally translated..



Parent teacher surely clever or parent teacher surely good.



So what if I am a teacher..

I am human too..

So what if my children have parent who is a teacher..

They also have friends whose parents are NOT teachers..

We all go through the same shit in life... breathe the same air.. so what makes them or me any different from others..

We are all humans..

and nobody's perfect..

No:28

First week of school gone. Been doing relief for the whole of last week and re-looking at the timetable again and again esp for the NIE trainees reporting in the school. Poor them. There is just no space in the staff room that we had to housed them in the Meeting Room. Being the first week of school and with the present health situation meeting are non-stop in the afternoon. So these poor trainees had to immediately vacate the room to make way for these meetings. If only I had my way..if only I was still doing the SCM.. but alas had to just close an eye or two to these things which I would not want to put my fingers in.
With timetabling and relief and meetings I could not fulfill my 5 hrs a day schedule that was tasked on me. How to? Im still doing the work that I was tasked with and trying hard to get it done.
With the days counting to my MLS I have really mixed feeling abt going. I can forsee that I would still be on standby for any emergency calls..with many matters pertaining to dept, committee and many others.
Even with the Youth Day holiday, I was still on call.
Today I was tasked to collect exam papers from exam branch again..
and for the first time I collect papers that has nothing to do with my dept or committee or yg sewaktu dgn nye.
There was somewhat a long story to why I was asked to collect the papers today..
This year after March I seem to be visiting exam branch quite often..
I wonder why...
is it bcos someone left and is not there to do the collection anymore..hhmm
Today I did Part B..somehow it feels good. It keeps me in touch with the coursework. When I told Catherine this she really laugh at me. I must really be a coursework fanatic.
So sad rt my life looking at the things the give me cheap thrill.

Many things happened over the weekend which makes me wonder..

I wonder how much we remember the things we say to others...

I wonder how much we remember the things we do to others...

Will all things done and said be erased with a handshake?

How much we would do things for people we love..

Like machine that run on a remote, somebody click the talk button and we ...talk

somebody click the wave button and up goes the hands..fingers move..wave

So dumb.

No:27

I will forgive BUT do not think that I will forget.

And because I am who I am, it is hard for me to go back to how things were before.

I can forgive all the things that u do to me! But dont ask me things like ;

why am I not like what I used to be 2 years ago. Even when things have been thrashed out, all matters cleared why am I still so distance?

Let me tell u that you are the last person that I expect to treat me the way you did.

But I forgive you cos you become super sensitive when you grow older.

But I cannot forget how I was treated like dirt in your own home.

You tell me abt how you feel when you were at my house.

Did you even hear the words that you are saying.

Thats what you did to me. yet when it happen to you you do not even realise.

However I do beg to differ cos I am not like you. I am NOTHING like you.

I do not treat you like the way you treat me. I know my role as a host.

I will never do the things that you accuse me of.

But what is the point of arguing with old sensitive people.

So what do you want with me now?

You want me to show kemesraan again to you.

You want me to be the old Zarina.

And you think it just simply by telling me that you want things to be what they were it can happen.

I am just so disgusted at things....

I gave up on this relationship many years ago...

Its been too long...

I cant just simply act out just for YOU..

Or will be a situation where i have to fake it..

Do you realise how much I had to take week after week ...

Like I say I gave up..

I dont want to care..

If only I am allowed to ;

NOT care

My Life is so sad...

No:26

Last Thursday :

Passing Out Parade 32nd ERSC

No:25

School will start in a few days but Ive been back practically everyday this last week and almost everyday the last 2 weeks.

I only make sure that my weekend are spent with family across the causeway.

Because there would definitely be at least 1 silly person in the family, gathering of this kind is so sooo funny. Just makes your day. In this family siliness come in a pack.

Socializing simple means makan. Most time spent at the oudoor area. And its a durian weekend. Too bad to those who cant take the smell.

Just relaxing together till late nite at the outdoor area.

Or simply lepak-ing at the staircase as other do mass car wash.

To Sham and other frens : so looking forward to bring you all and can lepak-lepak there.

I also managed to squeeze some time to meet up with frens who have good news to share.

Congrats May Tan..

Also visit my sis and spent time with my her grand daughter.

All this done in the midst of planning for school to reopen and to prepare for H1N1 and staff planning.